Talking Heads
Following Major League Soccer is becoming an equally grating experience. Barely a week passes without some pundit, analyst or podcast host spouting pompous drivel under the flag of “helping to grow the game.” The noise detracts from what most fans genuinely care about – talking about the actual fitba.
America’s fixation with filling 24-hour news and sports channels with bloated talking heads has created a culture whereby he who shouts most cantankerously triumphs over he who speaks most eloquently. Thoughtfulness never did anything for TV ratings and these days it does little for Web page hits.
The propensity for guff has crashed into American soccer like a two-footed lunge from behind, resulting in a cascade of inane questions and discussions. Where does MLS rank against leagues in the rest of the world? How does the U.S. vs. Mexico rivalry match up with the greatest international fixtures? How does American fan culture compare to supporters elsewhere? Could an American coach succeed in England’s Premier League? Are we there yet? Are we nearly there?
MLS executives are obliged to hype their product, but there exists an unhealthy acceptance from American fans to acquiesce with the most obviously flawed statements about soccer’s significance in a sporting landscape still defined by football, baseball and basketball. To do otherwise is a treasonous offense. The game must be grown at all costs. Canada’s Maple Leaf emblem was perfectly visible among the patterned seats at last week’s game between Toronto F.C. and Houston Dynamo, and viewers could almost read “Colorado” as the Rapids took on the Seattle Sounders. Yet come the end of the year, dubious attendance figures will be wheeled out to thrash home that the MLS attracts more fans than the NBA and is the seventh-best supported soccer league in the world. It’s surprising that Robert Mugabe hasn’t headhunted the MLS number crunchers to join Zimbabwe’s Ministry of Economic Planning given their expertise in hyperinflation.
F.C. Dallas weren’t far off from pulling the announced crowd of 20,465 that watched the team’s 1-0 win over the Los Angeles Galaxy on April 13, yet one boorish moron undermined the turnout by chucking a beer bottle that whacked goalscorer George John on the side of the head. Conversations about the onset of rampant hooliganism on these shores were sparked. A daytripper that couldn’t handle his Bud Light acting as the catalyst for hundreds of Aquascutum-clad Salt Lakers jetting to Seattle to mix it with merchandise-clad suburbanites? It’s not likely.
Television still plays a leading role in fueling the nonsensical mutterings about MLS that any objective observer can easily refute. Kyle Martino, NBC’s co-commentator, is a former Galaxy midfielder and hence MLS employee, given the league’s single-entity structure, making him a perfect figure to beat the “grow the game” drum. Martino pales in comparison to main commentator Arlo White, a former BBC Radio 5 Live host who is English by birth yet overwhelmingly American in hoopla. It’s little wonder that many MLS fans are left harboring the impression that former New York Red Bulls striker Luke Rodgers, recently freed by Shrewsbury Town, was the second coming of Gabriel Batistuta.
Football is football no matter what Bill Shankly said. Those of us who love it do so for our own reasons and obviously want our teams and leagues to prosper. There is no compulsion upon us to grow the game. It’s just that – a game. People are entitled to like it or not. “Are we there yet?” Where exactly? And does it really matter? MLS is doing fine. Let it breathe.
Ian Thomson is a journalist and exiled Dons fan living in West Virginia. Follow him on Twitter at @SoccerObserver.
